46 Funny Wedding Anniversary Quotes: Marriage Is Tough, But You Can Laugh About It

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Ambrose Bierce has the best definition of marriage. It reads as follows: “Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.” Does that sound all too relatable? I bet. So, I gathered some funny wedding anniversary quotes to remind you that marriage is not all that bad ― or is it?

We both know who the boss is in any marriage. So, we’ll kick off our list with some hilarious quotes from the one who is in charge of the boss ― below are 12 quotes that all wives could have a good laugh at. Then, we’ll tackle some of the most relatable quotes for husbands!

Feel free to use them on your wedding anniversary, or just to remind your spouse of how much you love them. I guarantee that they will put a smile on their face… unless they can’t take a joke.

46 Funny Wedding Anniversary Quotes to Celebrate Your Life Together

Funny Wedding Anniversary Quotes From the Wife

#1. “An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have: the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.” ― Agatha Christie

#2. “Husbands are the best people to share a secret with because they never listen anyway.”

#3. “Behind every great man, there’s a woman rolling her eyes.” ― Jim Carrey

#4. “Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.” ― Phyllis Diller

#5. “My dear husband, I want you. To do more around the house.”

#6. “Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else.” ― Jean Kerr

#7. “I hope you keep grabbing my butt every time you look for the remote.”

#8. “Happy Anniversary to the best first husband I’ll ever have!”

#9. “I shave my legs for you. It must be love.”

#10. “I’m so privileged that you chose me to be that special woman in your life who will forever have the honor of picking up your socks and washing your underwear.”

#11. “I know you appreciate the fact that before we were married you didn’t know there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge.”

#12. “Happy anniversary day from the best thing that ever happened to you!”

Husband’s Funny Wedding Anniversary Quotes

#13. “In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision-maker.” ― Woody Allen

#14. “A wedding band is the smallest handcuff ever made, I’m glad I chose my cellmate wisely.”

#15. “To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever you’re wrong, admit it; Whenever you’re right, shut up.” ― Ogden Nash

#16. “Never laugh at your wife’s choices, you are one of them.”

#17. “Happy anniversary! Just imagine if our marriage was as functional as you make it appear on Facebook.”

#18. “Unless you want to forget about your marriage, it’s a good idea to remember your anniversary.” ― Melanie White

#19. “Wedding anniversaries are a time when men pause and reflect on what it was they did before they were married: anything they wanted to.”

#20. “I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.” ― Rita Rudner

#21. “By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.” ― Socrates

#22. “When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.” ― Prince Philip

Love’s Not Dead ― Funny Wedding Anniversary Quotes to Express Your Love… But Using Different Words

#23. “A marriage anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance, and tenacity. The order varies for any given year.”

#24. “If two people love each other, nothing is impossible. Except for deciding where to eat.”

#25. “I still love you. Even though you fart in your sleep.”

#26. “Well, we made it another year without one of us either ending up dead or in jail.”

#27. “I love you. You annoy me more than I ever thought possible. But I want to spend every irritating minute with you.”

#28. “I fall in love with you each and every day. Except for yesterday. Yesterday you were really annoying.”

#29. “I love you more than coffee, but please don’t make me prove it.” ― Elizabeth Evans

#30. “If we take matrimony at its lowest, we regard it as a sort of friendship recognized by the police.” ― Robert Louis Stevenson

#31. “You’re my favorite pain in the ass.”

#32. “The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.” ― Henny Youngman

Other Funny Wedding Anniversary Quotes

#33. “For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end.” ― Catherine Zeta-Jones

#34. “On our anniversary, I want you to know how much I’ve enjoyed annoying you all this time and how excited I am to keep doing it in the future.”

#35. “Marriage is just texting each other ‘do we need anything from the grocery store?’ until one of you dies.”

#36. “Drugstores understand life. That’s why the anniversary cards and sympathy cards are right next to each other.”

#37. “Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing… She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.” ― Henry Youngman

#38. “The four most important words in any marriage: I’ll do the dishes.”

#39. “I swear to still grab your butt when you’re old and wrinkly.”

#40. “When someone is murdered, the police investigate the spouse first. That tells you everything you need to know about marriage.” ― Katharine Hepburn

#41. “A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.” ― Michel de Montaigne

#42. “All marriages are happy. It’s the living together afterward that causes all the trouble.” ― Raymond Hull

#43. “After all this time, my love for you is still stronger than my desire to be single.”

#44. “There’s no one else I would rather have snoring as hell beside me.”

#45. “I love you so much I’d take a bullet for you. Not in the head, but maybe like, the leg.”

#46. “Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.” ― Ogden Nash

Final Words

Being married for a long time is not always easy. When you’re with the same person for years, you might need some ways to spice things up. Although romance is nice at times, too much of it can quickly become soppy.

So, if you want to celebrate your anniversary, go for something else. I suggest choosing something funny, to lift the mood and enjoy a good laugh with your spouse instead.

I hope these funny wedding anniversary quotes made your day better and reminded you of one of the best parts of marriage ― having fun together, as a couple.

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Naomi Kizhner

Naomi Kizhner

On NaomiKizhner.com, I want to share tips, tricks, and quotes that will hopefully inspire someone who might be struggling. Also, I wish to help others find their true passion in life and cut out any negativity.
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