Figuring out how to stop missing someone can be a real drag, to say the least. In most cases, we don’t want to stop, purely because we still love the person in question.
However, if you’re anything like me, somewhere deep inside you, you know that missing someone is doing more harm than good. In fact, people can die of a broken heart — and we certainly don’t want that! So, today, I’m going to help you out.
Over the years, I was unfortunate enough to have to learn how to stop missing someone. There were various reasons for it, but the main goal was to stop feeling all the pain.
Luckily, now I have some bulletproof tips that can help anyone forget those who have hurt them fast and forever. Without further ado, let’s learn something today, shall we?
Top 5 Tips on How to Stop Missing Someone
#1. Stop focusing on good memories only
If you find yourself always thinking about an ex (boyfriend, girlfriend, or just a friend), and you mainly focus on the good stuff, then know you’ll probably never stop missing them.
The thing about humans is that we genuinely love forgetting the bad stuff as soon as possible. We avoid it as much as we can because we know that truly thinking about all the bad things can HURT us.
Nobody wants to be hurt, of course. But, to learn how to stop missing someone, we have to accept the pain. We must consider the bad stuff too, as thinking about all the good memories can only make us hate ourselves.
How so? Well, I was once in a toxic relationship that I simply couldn’t get out of. I wanted to — but at the same time, I was too afraid to do anything about it.
How I erased the good memories
Long story short, at some point, the guy broke up with me instead, saying I bored him to death.
That right there sent me into a downward spiral. First of all, my ego was hurt, as I couldn’t believe he broke up with me when it was supposed to be vice versa. Additionally, he ended things abruptly without actually trying to make anything better.
That break-up changed me in a way I didn’t like. Instead of feeling relieved, I was fuming at the thought that he broke up with me. So, I blamed myself.
Instead of focusing on all the toxic ways our relationship was horrible, I kept thinking about how I messed everything up and about all the good things he did for me. For example, he had a way to make me feel special. Every birthday, he’d do something nice — bring me breakfast in bed and similar things.
Unfortunately, he spent the remainder of the year always trying to find a way to make me feel bad about my lack of this or that.
So, what did I do to erase the good memories? I made lists upon lists of all the ways that relationship was terrible. Honestly — I filled a whole notebook!
After a while, I did feel better, as I no longer had memories that hurt me each time they came up. Of course, they’re still there, and I cannot honestly say they’ll ever be gone. But, writing those lists suppressed them a lot and helped me move on.
#2. Cut all contact — no texts, no social media
Most of the time, people stay in touch with their exes because they believe they still care. Well, honey, it’s time to wake up from that dream.
Of course, there’s always a chance they still genuinely care about you, no matter what everyone else says. However, you should take those signs with a grain of salt, as you might be imagining things (I’m guilty of this as well!).
But that’s not what I wanted to talk about. If you really want to learn how to stop missing someone, you have to cut all contact. Staying in touch with someone won’t do you any good. In fact, it can harm you and keep you in this “missing” limbo for quite a while!
Holding on to social media updates, stalking your ex on Instagram, as well as checking if your ex-friend has posted a secret message that they miss you too — you’ll just drive yourself crazy by indulging in this sort of behavior.
Now, I know that you cannot help but miss someone — even science backs that up. But, if you want to move on, you have to be strict with yourself.
Delete accounts, change your phone number, block them. Do whatever it takes — but don’t contact them.
#3. Always keep yourself busy
Remember those lists I mentioned earlier? Well, one of the best things about them is that they kept me busy all the time.
Since I gave myself some homework each night to write at least ten things that were bad about that relationship, I didn’t waste any time to grieve the relationship anymore.
But what did I do in the meantime? For once, I started looking after myself. I suddenly felt the urge to run — to run as fast as I could.
That’s why I got into working out in the first place. Sure, I wanted to be healthy and all, but I mostly wanted not to feel anything for at least an hour or so. And, luckily, running helped with that.
I also looked into some hobbies, new places to visit, new friends — anything I could do to make myself busy. In the end, it WORKED.
#4. This is YOU time — so use it!
In line with my previous tip, here’s something you might not have heard in a while — now is the right time to reinvent yourself!
After that bad break-up, I spent most of my days (at least a few months) roaming about the house, trying not to cry each time I found something of his. However, once I started writing the lists and exercising, I found a new joy for life.
In essence, I felt that I could do anything I wanted to — and I hadn’t felt that way for a while. I was always with my boyfriend or doing something with my boyfriend or going somewhere with…well, you get the picture.
But suddenly, I was alone, and I could do things I truly wanted. So, the first thing I did was find fantastic hobbies and call up some friends. Then, I started thinking about my education.
Granted, I already had my degree, but we can all learn from new experiences. I enrolled in a pottery class as well as a knitting class, and I joined a book club. In the end, the only thing I stuck with was the book club — didn’t have much talent for other things.
But, you know what? That’s perfectly OK, as I stopped reading while I was in the relationship, always fearing I was wasting time (yeah, it was pretty toxic). So, in the end, the break-up gave me a new lease on life.
#5. Avoid triggers as much as you can
Finally, my last tip on how to stop missing someone is — avoidance.
Now, I don’t want you to get the wrong idea here. I’m not saying you should avoid dealing with all the pain and surrender yourself to it. What I want you to do is avoid things that might trigger you back into depression.
For example, I had an ex-boyfriend who I hooked up with while watching Bridget Jones’ Diary. I know — groundbreaking. But that’s not the point.
That movie was one of my favorites back in the day. I had probably seen it about 20 times, and I loved it. It empowered me to be stronger in life and to never let anyone put me down.
However, I made a huge mistake — I watched it with a guy. And, when we broke up, I couldn’t bear watching it again. It reminded me so much of him that I would immediately miss him and reach for the phone!
To this day, that movie is still one of my triggers, but since I got into a good relationship, I can stomach it once in a while. It no longer has so much power over me — but it took me years to get over it.
Bottom line? If you can, avoid triggers at all costs if you want to let go of someone. Focus and don’t fall for mind traps you are placing yourself. Sometimes, we love torturing ourselves by watching movies, listening to music, and even visiting places that remind us of those we have lost.
DON’T DO THAT. It will hinder your progress, not to mention make you always focus on the good stuff. As said, that’s not what anyone should do. If someone is gone from our lives — there’s a reason for it.
Hopefully, you now know that learning how to stop missing someone fast and forever will take a lot of effort and patience. Sometimes, you’ll want to revert to making a nice pity party for yourself. But, if you apply any of these tips, the sheer feeling of missing someone will go away fast. In fact, if you keep yourself really busy — you won’t even notice that it’s gone!