The pain of letting go of someone you love can be excruciating. We’ve all experienced that unbearable pain at some point in our lives. It’s perfectly normal to hurt because that’s what ultimately makes us human.
However, I won’t beat about the bush with you. I’m not going to tell you that everything’s going to be easy because you know that would be a lie. False hope is the last thing you need in this situation.
What I will do is give you some real-life tips on how to overcome that feeling of drowning and liberate yourself. These tips are not some impractical, utopian advice that works only in movies. No; this is how I’ve managed to get out of a similar situation without emotionally scarring myself for life.
Letting go of someone you love and liberating yourself
#1. Let it sink in
Emotions are tricky. It’s not uncommon for emotional pain to cause physical pain. Yes, if the emotional pain is so strong, it starts to physically hurt.
On the other hand, the brain is trying to make sense out of everything that’s going on in our body. Ultimately, we end up with a fight between the brain and the unreasonable heart. For some reason, they just don’t want to work together to get us out of the whirlpool of toxic emotions.
First, don’t try to control your emotions with your mind. In cases where you’re letting go of someone you love, it’s important to understand what you are actually feeling. Use your mind to analyze and understand where your pain is coming from.
Are feelings of love causing you pain? Maybe you are simply afraid of change? Or, perhaps, your negative emotions are caused by a combination of different feelings.
Regardless, locating and understanding the cause of your pain is of the utmost importance. Only after you’ve gained the insight you needed can you start dealing with the feelings that are causing you emotional pain.
Keep in mind there’s a difference between letting go of someone you love who has betrayed you and letting go of the fear of change — being single after a breakup, for example.
#2. Let out the pain — crying is a sign of strength
Bottling up emotions is not only wrong but also extremely dangerous. Oppressed emotions can cause serious illnesses and psychological problems. Simply, be strong and just cry it out.
Crying is not only liberating because it cleanses the soul but also because it helps you in the process of recovery. Your goal is to get over this treacherous situation without enduring emotional scars.
Also, get in touch with your best friends. Talk to them and tell them about the pain you’re feeling. Sharing your emotions with other people can be therapeutic.
However, if you’re afraid your friends will judge you because of your emotional openness, you might need to rethink some of your friendships. If they can’t be helpful and understanding in your time of need, they are probably just acquaintances and not your true friends. I’m telling you this because there are many people who don’t want to share their emotions out of fear of being judged as weak, hysterical or dramatic.
You don’t need to talk to your friends if you don’t want to. Find a family member who will understand you and open up to them. If that’s also out of the question, you can always visit a psychologist or therapist.
Regardless of who you choose to talk to, it’s important that you talk with someone — even an anonymous stranger online will do. Just get that emotional load off your chest.
#3. Cut the contact, erase everything
If by letting go of someone you love you mean your romantic partner, then this is one of the most important steps you have to take. You have to cut all contact and communication with them. Yes; just cut them out of your life.
However, sometimes that’s easier said than done. I understand, but it really has to be over if you want to close that chapter of your life for good. That means no looking at old photos, no secretly checking their Facebook or Instagram, no listening to songs that remind you of beautiful past moments, etc.
You not only have to cut all physical communication but also that emotional connectedness to the past. Sorry if this sounds a bit rough and strict, but ask yourself — how are you going to forget the past if you keep living in it? By cutting all contact, you are regaining your independence and becoming stronger.
From my personal experience, this is the hardest part of letting go of someone you love. It’s hard to control yourself when you become overwhelmed with emotions. Social media has made it easier to meet new people, but very hard to erase or forget them.
You’ll surely be tempted to obsess over their Facebook or Instagram posts, analyzing them, trying to find some hidden meanings. No one is judging you because we’ve all done it. But, the faster you realize that it’s just a waste of time, the faster the emotional pain will disappear.
#4. Work on yourself
So, up until now, you’ve analyzed your emotions, you’ve expressed them and you’ve cut all strings that were pulling you to the past. Now, it’s time to begin the restoration phase — the phase where you become you again.
Do you want to reinvent yourself or get back to the way you were before? It doesn’t really matter what you do from now on because you’ve achieved the impossible — you’ve let go of someone you’ve loved. It wasn’t easy, but it wasn’t impossible, either.
However, why not reinvent yourself? Start a new chapter of your life with fresh energy and a positive attitude. Every emotionally stressful situation changes you in some way and what matters is how you use that change to your advantage.
I am not only talking about changing your overall appearance. Although, if you are thinking about it — why not get a new haircut, buy some new clothes, maybe even get a tattoo or a piercing? What matters is that you are happy and you shouldn’t care what others think.
If you don’t want to change your looks, get out of your bubble and try something new. Get a new job, start a new hobby, move to a different city or take an impromptu vacation. The world is your oyster now.
What’s important is that you are not stuck in the past anymore. You are realizing once again how beautiful life can be and that you are in control of your destiny. You are stronger and smarter because you’ve managed to overcome the pain of letting go of someone you love.
Now you can share your experience and help other people in similar situations.
#5. Get back in the game
Hi, new you. You look better than ever before and it’s nice to have you back. Your eyes radiate with positive energy and you look like you are ready to get back in the game.
Kidding aside, now that you’ve successfully gone through all the phases of letting go of someone you love, it’s time to get back out there. Depending on how much time has passed, you should be ready to meet some new people.
Humans are social creatures. We can’t stay alone for a long time. So, it’s completely normal to go out for the sole reason of meeting new people.
However, know that you might feel frustrated at first. After being in a relationship for a long time, you might feel anxious about mingling with strangers and socializing.
You will surely overthink the way you’re expressing yourself. You will be analyzing if you are coming off as awkward or you might be paying too much attention to your mannerisms.
It’s completely normal to feel uneasy. I had a friend who had to pop a Xanax the first time she had to go to a dinner party after getting out of a long relationship. But, she’s always been anxious about meeting new people, even from a young age.
The most important thing is not to get discouraged. Remember that practice makes perfect. The first time might feel weird, the second time you’ll feel more comfortable and after the third time, you’ll be back in shape to mingle in no time.
Hey, I never lied to you by saying all this is going to be easy. Life is challenging and always testing our strength and abilities. When you conquer one problematic situation, there is another one waiting just around the corner to teach you something new about yourself.
Letting go of someone you love for some people might be the hardest thing they’ll ever do. Raw emotions can bring down even the toughest of people. In the end, what counts isn’t how many times you’ve fallen, but how many times you’ve managed to get back on your feet.
However, when it seems like your life is ending or the world around you is falling apart, remember that you are not alone. There are many people out there that are willing to help by sharing their experiences with you.
Learn from those experiences to make yourself stronger and more resilient in the future.